Capt'n Tor & the Naer-Do-Well Cads Pirate Invasion | Fanny!

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Fanny!

by Capt'n Tor & the Naer-Do-Well Cads Pirate Invasion

Prepare to be Boarded! Bawdy Celtic Pirate Music for Rascals, Rogues, and Naer-Do-Well Cads!
Genre: World: Celtic
Release Date: 

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  Song Share Time Download
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1. Fanny
4:47 $1.99
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2. A Bold Decision
3:56 $1.99
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3. Tortuga Girls
2:33 $1.99
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4. Legend of the Sea
4:08 $1.99
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5. No Balls at All
5:32 $1.99
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6. Medley: Dennis Murphy Polka / John Ryan's Polka
3:06 $1.99
Downloads are available as MP3-320 files.

ABOUT THIS ALBUM


Album Notes
NAILED TO THE MAIN MAST ~ SHIPS MANIFEST ENTRY JUNE 21, 2019
BY THE HAND OF CAPT’N TOR...
YARR MATES! We be most proud ta give ye a new 6-song EP, which we have crafted to give ye a taste of our live sound – taken straight off the floor in Pat Johnson’s ‘Studio In The Woods’! What an ARRRMAZING experience, after hundreds of hours of practice, to be able to deliver each of these performance recordings continuously from beginning to end! 2 days in the studio, and about 20 hours of sound production to have each tune sparkle like the treasures they be! We be absolutely wriggling with anticipation as ye listens ta these finely crafted tracks fer the first time!
So buy us a fookin’ round when ye sees us next and raise yer tankard and holler “A TOAST!” into the air as we share this moment together, listening to history being made, and enjoy the spoils! We all earned it!
HUZZAH!

1. FANNY!
We start with the album’s title original track “FANNY!” Featuring the dulcet tones of the truly incomparable Damsel of Depravity...Duchess of Debauchery...Madame of Mischief herself!....... Gwenyvarr Blackshades Lovelockett and back up auditory sweetness by Aureana Argentium, the Golden Magpie of the Seas! FANNY! Is a bawdy original pirate song inspired by the show tunes of a bygone era.
Lyrics, Music, & Arrangement by Capt’n Tor & Gwenyvarr Blackshades Lovelockett, & Mercy Muldoon.

Lyrics:
Oh what’s a girl to do, when she want’s to have some fun
Oh what’s a girl to do. when the night has just begun
Oh what’s a girl to do, when her belly’s full of lust
She heads out on the town and does, what a girl just must!
(She heads out on the town and does, what a girl just must!)

There was a sweet young lass, Fanny was her name
Many men had tried but she could not be tamed
Many brought her flowers and ribbons for her hair
They tried and cried, and even lied, but she wasn’t moved to share (What WAS under there?)
Oh wouldn’t you like to know, wouldn’t you like to know
Oh wouldn’t you like to know, what makes a fanny glow
Oh Wouldn’t you like to know, wouldn’t you like to know
Many men had wondered, but Fanny wouldn’t go
(Many men had wondered; but Fanny wouldn’t go)

The baker-man the ladies say had quite the splendid ‘loaf’
So Fanny went to visit him and check as to this boast
And when he pulled it out, well Fanny gave a shout
His dough did grow and grow and grow, TOO big for all but show (too big for all but show)
Oh wouldn’t you like to know, wouldn’t you like to know
Oh wouldn’t you like to know, just what he had below
Oh wouldn’t you like to know, wouldn’t you like to know
His dough did grow and grow and grow, TOO big for all but show
(His dough did grow and grow and grow, TOO big for all but show)

The farmer’s son, a simple lad, she offered him a smile
She’d seen him in the fields where he shagged the sheep with style
So she tried him in the hayloft, she tried him in the grass
But his flaccid tool, would only drool, for little wooly arse (a bleating wooly arse)
Oh wouldn’t you like to know, wouldn’t you like to know
Oh wouldn’t you like to know, the row he likes to hoe
Oh Wouldn’t you like to know, wouldn’t you like to know
His flaccid tool would only drool for little wooly arse
(His flaccid tool would only drool for little wooly arse)

The preacher’s son, a handsome lad, she cornered him one day
She asked to see his splendid tool, or so the boys did say
But when he took his Scepter, and held it on display
She knelt to whet both their desires, he chastely ran away (he ran away to pray)
Oh wouldn’t you like to know, wouldn’t you like to know
Oh wouldn’t you like to know, to whom he’d like to show
Oh wouldn’t you like to know, wouldn’t you like to know
A confession, he loved Stephen, giving him a blow
(A confession, he loved Stephen, giving him a blow)

Fanny saw a pirate lad, and he was jailed in prison
But what the jailers missed was his hidden pair of bosom
For he was in fact she! WELL! Fanny gave a cheeky pout
For where she thought an eel might be; out swam delicious trout (she loved her lady trout)
Oh wouldn’t you like to know, wouldn’t you like to know
Oh wouldn’t you like to know, what makes a Fanny glow
A pirate strong, with-out a dong, give Fanny wobbly knees!
Oh wouldn’t you like to know, wouldn’t you like to know
Oh wouldn’t you like to know, what makes a Fanny glow
Oh Wouldn’t you like to see, wouldn’t you like to see
A pirate strong, without a dong, gives Fanny wobbly knees!
A pirate lass, with trousered ass, to sail her on the seas
A pirate girl, to polish her pearl, makes fanny say ‘yes pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease YES PLEASE! Please, Please, Please, Please, Please YES PLEASE!

2. A BOLD DECISION
Next we lay into this deeply moving original song with the infamous Capt’n Tor; multi-instrumentalist extraordinaire!; with the truly-talented-tongue and award-winning moustache, telling the tale in every pirate’s heart of ‘Going On The Account’, that will surely become an Anthem for all that calls themselves ‘Pirate’!
Lyrics, Music, & Arrangement by Capt’n Tor

Lyrics:
I’ve made a bold decision, to sail upon a pirate ship
I’ve made a bold decision, to try me hand at sea
I’ve made a bold decision, to cast me lot with rogues and thieves
To sail upon the oceans and sail the seven seas!

I’ve made a bold decision, to stand up for the common man
I’ve made a bold decision, to stand up for meself
I’ve made a bold decision, to thumb me nose at kings and queens,
and fight beside me brothers, ye all knows just what it means

Chorus:
We’re all going on the account together
We fight tyranny & injustice; for freedom, we fight forever
For a pirate’s life is a short life, but a merry life, and a life that’s free
For a pirate’s life is a short life, but a merry life, and a life that’s free

I’ve made a bold decision, freedom over servitude
I’ve made a bold decision, to risk it all at sea
I’ve made a bold decision, to be a Rover & adventurer
To sail upon the oceans and pillage on the seas!

Chorus & Solo

I’ve made a bold decision, it’s time to make a stand
I’ve made a bold decision, I need the gold to find a wife
I’ve made a bold decision, no longer I’ll be poor
I believe the king will sponsor me in my new pirate’s life

We’re all going on the account together
We fight tyranny & injustice; for freedom, we fight forever
For a pirate’s life is a short life, but a merry life, and a life that’s free
For a pirate’s life is a short life, but a merry life, and a life that’s free
For a pirate’s life is a short life, but a merry life, and a life that’s free

3. TORTUGA GIRLS
We then hit ye with a broadside! A new bilingual (French-English) version of one of our earliest recorded tunes, but at breakneck speed that will have ye dipping and diving as ye dance in wild abandon! An adaptation and re-imagining of 'New York Girls', but Pirate-Style! HUZZAH!
New Lyrics & Arrangement by Capt'n Tor & Maggie Martel

Lyrics:
Chorus:
Ma Jolie Sally et moi Chere Annie
Fille de Tortuga, Venez Danser la Polka
Ma Jolie Sally et moi Chere Annie
Fille de Tortuga,Venez Danser la Polka

Now shipmates listen unto me, I’ll tell ye with my song
Of all the things that happened since I got this mighty dong
As I stepped on Tortugas docks some fair maids I did meet
One asked me for to see her home she lived on Hooka Street
Chorus
Says I “me dear young lady, I’m a stranger here in town”
“A crew I need, and in this port, I hear one can be found”
“Sir if you come home with me, you shall have a treat! You shall have the finest food and someplace nice to eat!”
Chorus
When we got down to Hooka Street we stoped at 44
And there her twenty sisters was a wait’n at the door
They gave me rum and we had fun and it went to me head
They threw me clothes away and then they carried me to bed
Chorus
Next morning mates when I awoke I had an aching head
Me clothes and all me money and my lady friends had fled
Now I don’t need the money as some other pirates might
But I wish I could remember if I’d had some fun last night!
Chorus
I stumbled out of 44 and headed fer the bay
I heard a sound, I turned around to see quite the affray!
Well wenches and their bellies, their fists raised in the air
Nous Sommes Tout Zaseint de ta Batar!
Elles criaient toutes en choeur
Chorus x 2

4. LEGEND OF THE SEA
To the shores of Cape Breton be our heading, where we launch “THE LEGEND OF THE SEA” to hunt for a prize and celebrate! Featuring lead vocals by Staggerin Skullinbone, our slippery-when-wet Keymaster ~ as there be not a lock he can’t pick!
Lyrics, Music, & Arrangement by Staggerin Skullinbone & Capt’n Tor

Lyrics:
Chorus:
Legend of the sea, Privateers and Free!
Legend of the sea, Privateers are We!

We cast our line in Louisburg town, cleared the battery southward bound
Now we’re in the open sea, We cheer Huzzah we’re free!
Two thousand miles to the Virgin Isles, two holds full of rum,
A hardy crew with much to do, heading for the sun
Chorus
Running down a Nor-east blower, our ship is anything but slow,
Tossed upon the rolling waves and fifteen days to go,
A shout came from the crows nest high, Sails hollered eagle eye,
Time to put these guns to work now let’s go take our prize.
Chorus & Solo
We came upon that caravel; the legend’s crew will give em hell,
Gun ports open set to kill, we’ll take their starboard side.
She strikes her colours drops her sails, she’s all ours the captain hails,
Once again we failed to die on the legend of the sea
Chorus
We took her load of tin an’ gold, and anything that could be sold,
We left and lived another day and southward sailed away
Soon we’ll be on sandy shores, drinking, fighting, being whores!
Telling tales of battle rage on the legend of the sea!
Chorus x 3

5. NO BALLS AT ALL!
We head to the tavern ta enjoy our rum and ale, gathering ta listen ta Gwenyvarr, as she regales us with “NO BALLS AT ALL”, a saucy pirated-up adaptation of a traditional song that is always requested at our live shows, finally recorded fer all to enjoy in the comfort of their own hammock!
New Lyrics & Arrangement by Capt’n Tor & Gwenyvarr Blackshades Lovelockett

Lyrics:
Oh, listen young wenches, a story you`ll hear.
The song I will sing you, t’will fill you with cheer.
A charming young wenchling was wed in the Fall.
She married a sailor with … no balls at all! … No balls at all?

Chorus:
No balls at all. No balls at all.
She married a sailor with no balls at all!
No balls at all. No balls at all.
She married a sailor with no balls at all!

The night of the wedding she leapt into bed.
Her breasts were a-heaving; her legs were well-spread.
She reached for his manhood; his manhood was ...small.
She reached for his balls; …he had no balls at all!
Chorus
Oh mother, oh mother, what shall I do?
I`ve married a sailor who`s unable to screw!
My troubles are many. My pleasures are small,
I`ve married a sailor with … no balls at all!
Chorus
Oh daughter, oh daughter, don`t feel so sad;
I had the same trouble with your dear old dad!
BUT there are plenty of fine pirates to answer the call!
Of the wife of a sailor with … no balls at all!
Chorus, ….then 1 round of
“Big Balls, & Little Balls & Saggy Balls, & Tight Balls, and Big Hairy Nuts!”

Now the daughter, she sampled the crews one by one
And shortly discovered that bouncing was fun!
She bounced on the Docks and Quay Market Stalls
Lets all marry Navies with … no balls at all!
Chorus
The Wench, she followed her mother`s advice,
She found bouncing with Pirates exceedingly nice,
A bouncing young baby was born in the Fall
To the wife of a sailor with … no balls at all!
Chorus X 2
We’ve got Big Balls, & Little Balls & Saggy Balls, & Tight Balls, & Big Hairy Nuts!
We’ve got Big Balls, & Little Balls & Saggy Balls, & Tight Balls, & Big Hairy Nuts!
We’ve got Big Balls, & Little Balls & Saggy Balls, & Tight Balls, & Big Hairy Nuts!
We’ve got Big Balls, & Little Balls & Saggy Balls, & Tight Balls, & Big Hairy Nuts!
Etc....

6. DENNIS MURPHY & JOHN RYAN POLKA MEDLEY ~ Traditional Instrumental
A BONUS TRACK!!! Dark Dirk Shivers, our marauding Mandolin maestro, renowned fer his legendary treasury of laughs, limericks and long-winded ramblins, challenges Capt’n Tor ta a battle of speed and endurance as they lead the crew through the ever-increasing tempo of these traditional tunes, artfully arranged for maximum speed! A wild ride at 11 Knots with a tail wind, while strapped to the bowsprit! Watch it! If ye stand too close ye might get a friction burn!
Arrangement by Capt’n Tor

Footnotes:

Muggle names:
CAPT'N TOR( always CAPT'N TOR)
GWENYVARR BLACKSHADES LOVELOCKETT (Always GWENYVARR BLACKSHADES LOVELOCKETT)
DARK DIRK SHIVERS (AKA STEART EVERITT)
STAGGERIN SKULLINBONE (AKA WAYNE BURKE)
MERCY MULDOON (AKA GAELYN SCARLETT)
AUREANA ARGENTIUM (CLARA AUREANA VIOLET TORODE)
MAGGIE MARTEL (AKA CHRISTELLE LEGARE)
WILLIAM BLYDES (ROB BRUNNER)

SPECIAL THANKS TO...

ANDREW CRAVEN from the UK – his second album cover for us! We loved his work on our first album and knew we had to have his creative hand back to immortalize Fanny, with her many suitors. Yer hand-drawn creations are magnificent. Everyone should commission an original piece and make him rich! venturousinventor@gmail.com

Pat Johnson at Pattunes Studio (or as we call it “STUDIO IN THE WOODS”) for his tireless support for our music and doing what it takes to make it right – including long nights recording, mixing, or sampling hundreds of jungle sounds! Pat always comes through, bringing his ear for detail and magical engineering abilities to our efforts! Love ye Mate!

Honest Henry Lutepicker (aka Mike Elliott) for yet another frenzy of fiendishly fast assistance in creating the digital graphics for this album and yet again having to distill Gwenyvarr’s ideas into real life media!

©Capt’n Tor Pirate Productions
http://www.pirateparties.ca

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