Holtzclaw | Chili Room / Pussy Room

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Chili Room / Pussy Room

by Holtzclaw

The return of Tennessee's Holtzclaw. Enter at your own risk.
Genre: Pop: Party Pop
Release Date: 

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  Song Share Time Download
1. Chili & Pussy
3:05 $0.99
2. Dragon Glasses
4:02 $0.99
3. Styx Heaven
2:47 $0.99
4. Letter from My Landlord
0:55 $0.69
5. Totally Upside Down Boat
3:52 $0.99
6. Shiny Shoes
0:29 $0.69
7. Get Them Birds, Billy
2:47 $0.99
8. Justin Bieber Does Not Want That Baby Monkey
3:11 $0.99
9. Strollers
0:35 $0.69
10. Russell Stover
3:02 $0.99
11. 11 Makes 10
1:01 $0.69
12. Splitting the Sheets
2:23 $0.99
13. The Great State of Maine
3:13 $0.99
14. MacDougal St.
0:45 $0.69
15. Rock & Roll Devastation
4:16 $0.99
16. Oh Dear Yoko
3:02 $0.69
17. My Mother's Wife
0:41 $0.69
18. Kitty, Would You Like Some Mouth Kisses?
1:31 $0.99
19. Tasty Sorghum Biscuit
0:53 $0.69
20. Stay and Watch Willow
4:34 $0.99
21. At Least It Ain't Your Balls
3:53 $0.99
Downloads are available as MP3-320 files.


Album Notes
I Give You The Pieces And You Put The Pieces Together

By Dr. Anson Gew

In 1999 I was honored to write the liner notes to Holtzclaw’s album Double Plastic. Now it is 2013 and Holtzclaw has again asked me to write liner notes for its new album Chili Room/Pussy Room. I no longer consider it an honor. It is, instead, a death sentence.

I submit to you the following items delivered to me anonymously in a large folder labeled “Prelim. Research: The Art Bell Show Ep. 1145-J Target Air date: 4/27/03.” The items are accompanied by handwritten notes made, I assume, by Art Bell or an unnamed staffer. The below quotes were circled in red sharpie.*

1. Excerpt from Dream Boogie: The Triumph of Sam Cooke, Peter Guralnick (pp.416-17)
“Police searching Cooke’s red 1964 Ferrari found something curious indeed: charts to a song, “Better Get Them Birds Billy”, credited to “H. Claw.” No one in Cooke’s band or at RCA Victor had heard of the song, and it was not being considered for inclusion in future albums or Cooke’s live act.”

HANDWRITTEN NOTE: “Hacienda Motel now operates at 9137 S. Figueroa as Billy’s Place. Liquor store next door: Bird Liquor”

2. Transcript from The Mike Douglas Show, interview with Vincent Bugliosi, September 27, 1974
DOUGLAS: But the glasses—
BUGLIOSI: Well, that’s not true. That never happened.
DOUGLAS: They didn’t—with their fingers, trace circles around their eyes with the, the, sorry folks, but with the blood...?
BUGLIOSI: No, I don’t know where some of this stuff—the “Dragon Glasses”, that’s just a rumor that kids started or something.
DOUGLAS: “Now The Beast Can See” wasn’t written on the wall in Sharon Tate’s blood?
BUGLIOSI: No, no. Nor was it carved into-- That’s just—you know, this sort of sensational hooey gets—
KEN BERRY: Wait, wait, this isn’t just playground, you know, ghost stories. Because I read the galleys of your book, and there was an entire section that, well, it seems to be struck from the published edition. For whatever reason.
BUGLIOSI: I don’t know anything about that.

HANDWRITTEN NOTE: “Ken Berry was also on the panel, promoting Herbie Rides Again.”

3. Printed page fromhttp: // www. stonewallremembered .org /Remembering_Jukebox.htm:Freedom Songs: 50 Actual Tunes from the 1969 Stonewall Jukebox
Section circled in red marker:

It’s Your Thing....The Isley Brothers
Before The Parade Passes By (From “Hello, Dolly”)....Barbra Streisand
The Great State Of Maine....Holtzclaw
Come Together....The Beatles
Crystal Blue Persuasion....Tommy James & The Shondells

4. Interview with Roger Ailes, Forbes, October 1996
Text underlined with red marker is denoted below with all-caps.
“FNC will begin airing in 10 million households, but company spokesmen expect that to grow rapidly. As to the long-term prospects of his upstart news network, Ailes is bullish.“People say, how will Fox compete with CNN, ABC, CBS? I think you compete by changing the game. We’re a TASTY SORGHUM BISCUIT; they’re a TOTALLY UPSIDE DOWN BOAT. Apples and oranges.”

5. Transcript from The Alex Jones Show, interview with Dr. Terry Redall, Episode 143, January 26, 2002
JONES: So you’re saying, in this one room, Eisenhower, Nixon, Khrushchev, James Smith McDonnell, Ed Sullivan, Joe Kennedy, Mao— a whole freakin’ Murderer’s Row...
REDALL: Yes, drinking, cigars-- you can imagine it was quite the scene. And then in come the servants, and they’ve got these trays of seared something, smells like some sort of seafood.
JONES: And that’s Nessie.
REDALL: We don’t know where she was prepared, but I have verification from several sources that yes, that’s what happened to the Loch Ness Monster.
JONES: It’s wild, but I wouldn’t put it past ‘em. You connect the dots and it makes sense. And they’re singing—what was it?
REDALL: Supposedly it’s an old smuggler’s shanty from the Scottish highlands. In my research, however, the only place I find the title is in Satanic hymnals of the 1800s.
JONES: What was the title?
REDALL: I don’t know if I can say it on air.
JONES: We can bleep you.
REDALL: Ok, alright. It’s called “Chili and [BLEEP].”

6. Excerpt from Hymns Of Satanic Pleasure And Might, Gathered By Obedient Sons and Whores, 1889 (Hymn 132, Untitled)
“For we entered her, as Man forbade
with blood-crust’d Cross and Satanic blade
Monkey of Youth on Altar now laid
What Justin wants not is now sacrifice made”

7. Transcript, CNN Interview with Osama bin Laden, conducted by Peter Arnett, 1997–deleted scenes,
BIN LADEN (through interpreter): That is what has led us to this point. That is why we will soon begin our military action against the USA.
ARNETT: What sort of military action?
BIN LADEN (through interpreter): Soon. Soon. What more can I say?
ARNETT: Well...
BIN LADEN (without interpreter): 11 makes 10, you know? 11 makes 10.

8. Excerpt from Grand Island Independent Letters to the Editor, May 3rd, 1980
“To the Editor,
Re: April 30th edition of “Blondie”. It depicts Dagwood and Blondie’s children listening to a record album. The notes appear over the stereo console and are very large and jagged. The boy who looks just like Dagwood holds the record cover and it is entitled “Acid Rock” by a singer called “Holtzclaw”. When Dagwood comes in and breaks the LP over his knee, his children beg him to “Stay and watch Willow.” That is the end of the cartoon strip. I’ve asked everyone I come across if they can explain this “punchline” to me and no one can or will. I regrettably must chalk it up to more of the “drug humor” that Hollywood keeps shoving down my face. I am extremely displeased with Blondie’s creators for falling into this trap.
William Greene
Grand Island, Nebraska”

HANDWRITTEN NOTE: “April 30th 1980 Blondie does not depict described events.Independent doesn’t even carry Blondie. Check obituaries for William Greene-- WHEN DEATH? EVENTS SURROUNDING?”

9. Excerpt from Only The Mighty: The Story of Skull and Bones, Peter Stentwurst, 2000(198-199)
“The rape chant was easy to remember--just a few lines-- so that pledges who retained their virginity could focus on the matter at hand. The chant’s brevity also made it easy to translate into Spanish and mail to victims’ families. The title, Strollers, was known only to the Sergeant-At-Arms, Deer Island kitchen staff, and the accompanist.”

10. Excerpt from Monstrous: Aleister Crowley and the Founding of the 20th Century,ZebThurston, 1996 (pp. 133-134)
“Jack Parsons wrote Crowley excitedly from Pasadena about their new Thelemetic recruit and housemate. ‘Ron Hubbard has been quite taken with Russell Stover from Kansas City (of the candy!) Although advanced in age, he and Hubbard have been perfecting gender-swapping spells, and Hubbard and Holtzclaw have been working up a new song, naming it after Russ. The chorus even mentions his (hopeful) future incarnation-- in the evenings, after dinner and coffee, at the piano, we sing and sing “The Most Beautiful Girl In L.A.” til we are blue in the face.’

11. Excerpt from Freedom of Information Act-requested transcript of CIA-wiretapped phone calls between Pope Paul VI and Rev. Billy Graham, May 4, 1971
GRAHAM: Let’s make sure that-- your people provided you the list?
PAUL VI: Of course, of course. [unintelligible] My Mother’s Wife. Kitty Would You Like Some Mouth Kisses.
GRAHAM: Styx Heaven. Rock and Roll Devastation.
PAUL VI: Socially and spiritually--
GRAHAM: That should do it, huh.
PAUL VI: Yes, yes. [unintelligible] will be most pleased. How has [unintelligible]?
GRAHAM: It’s been pleasant. Warm for this time of year. What about over there?
PAUL VI: Similar.

HANDWRITTEN NOTE: “Transcripts of these calls are often referred to as The Nixon Bible.”

12. Photocopy of sheet music from 1915 for a song entitled “Letter From My Landlord” credited to Holtz & Klawe. Described as “Funtime Rag.” Illustration on sheet music is of children riding wooden animals on an amusement park carousel.

HANDWRITTEN NOTE: “What are these animals? NOT KNOWN TO MAN”

13. Excerpt from entry on World War I From the Merry Children Encyclopedia (1953edition)
“When Sultan Mehmed V hosted Kaiser Willhelm II in Constantinople on October 15, 1917,the meeting was cordial yet tense. Willhelm, finally exasperated with Mehmed’s complaining of battlefield troubles, replied, “At least it ain’t your balls.” The tension broken, more brandies were ordered and the men sang and danced until dawn.”

HANDWRITTEN NOTE: “In defiance of alphabetical order, WWI entry is followed by entry on Holtzclaw, which is just the word “Holtzclaw” printed over and over for 14 pages. Also--1960: all Merry Children Encyclopedias recalled & pulped by Canadian government.Existing copies exceedingly rare, prohibitively expensive, save for wealthiest book collectors, several of whom are recently murdered.”

14. Receipt from Luau Printing, Honolulu, Hawaii, August 25, 1961
Reprint job: Honolulu Advertiser, August 16 edition
Add: Under “Recent Births” “Mr. and Mrs. Barack H. Obama 6085 Kalanianaole Hwy., son,
Remove: Article, “Holtzclaw’s Shiny Shoes Tops KPOA Charts for 7th Straight Week ”Deliver to: Honolulu Advertiser Archives Dept.
PAID 8/25/61

HANDWRITTEN NOTE: “Barack Hussein Obama is a state senator from Illinois. Called KPOA, no logs of airplay. Attached cancelled check drawn on account of Sherman Taproot of Danbury, CT-- Sherman Taproot was office manager of CT Sen Prescott Bush -- Oct. 65suicide”

14. Excerpt from A Broader Brighter Sky: Lincoln, Slavery & What Might Have Been, Margaret Huskey, 1988 (378)
“A story bopping around academia in my undergrad days posited that Lincoln had already procured tickets for an upcoming play, Splitting the Sheets by Raymond Hoppe Holtzclaw, set to star none other than John Wilkes Booth. It’s an ironic thought: A still-living Lincoln, weeks later, in his balcony seats, roaring with laughter over Booth’s onstage antics. Ultimately, this scenario was proven to be nothing more than wishful thinking on the part of dark-humored ironists.”

15. Excerpt from Senior Thesis Rothschild in Palestine With A Focus On The 19th Century, Oxford University, 1977, Edmund J. Caruthers (36)
“Baron de Rothschild’s rules for the Zionist settlements were strict: He assigned jobs, declared who had the right to marry, and insisted on the singing of his favorite song “O Dear Yocho” at sunup, commencement of field work, and before and after male urination. This rule was only in place in the Zionist villages (moshavot) of Zikhron Ya'akov, Rosh Pina, and Ha’Oltzkhlaw.”

HANDWRITTEN NOTE: “Caruthers still living-- in Newfoundland-- but won’t answer phone. Try neighbors?”

16. Transcript, Bob Dylan addressing audience, Tucson Music Hall, December 9, 1979
“Hey. You wanna hear somethin’? I used to live on MacDougal Street. You wanna know what my phone number was? 1-212-H-O-L-T-Z-C-L-A-W. Praise the Lord.”

I give you the pieces and you put the pieces together.

-Dr. Anson Gew
Professor, Advanced Pyrotechnics
University of Celeste-Pud, Mullicoktok, Manitoba
Email: agew@coktok.toba

*The Art Bell Show last aired April 26, 2003. Unexpectedly, the next evening’s show was a Best of Art Bell. The unannounced replacement series, Watch The Skies with Gavin MacReady, aired the following night and has remained in the time slot. Art Bell has not been heard from since. He has variously been reported as spending more time with his children, starting a veterinary practice, and attempting to set the record for most trips sailed around the world consecutively.



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