John Paul Sharp | DIRTY

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DIRTY

by John Paul Sharp

This album contains some of the dirtiest songs you've ever heard in your life.
Genre: Pop: with Electronic Production
Release Date: 

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  Song Share Time Download
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1. Can't Let Go
4:51 $0.99
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2. Check Your Stool
3:20 $0.99
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3. Dingleberry Blues
3:24 $0.99
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4. Dirty Spanish
2:06 $0.99
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5. Hot Spray
4:02 $0.99
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6. I'm the H.B.I.C.
3:20 $0.99
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7. Let's Jam, Gells!
2:29 $0.99
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8. Most Guys Have Balls
2:43 $0.99
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9. Period Smoothie
3:07 $0.99
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10. S.T.F.U.
3:59 $0.99
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11. Save Your Diarrhea For Me
5:09 $0.99
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12. The Shocker Song
3:52 $0.99
Downloads are available as MP3-320 files.

ABOUT THIS ALBUM


Album Notes
John Paul Sharp's

DIRTY

What is the DIRTY album?

Well, it's a full album of songs that are ... well ... dirty!

Remember those days in junior high school? Welcome back. DIRTY celebrates all those wonderful memories of jokes about sex, the bathroom and more - from an adult perspective.

What was the inspiration behind this album? ... WHY?

Well, Kathy Griffin was a major inspiration in my creating an album where I could totally let go and just sing about the craziest, most insane and possibly disgusting things I could think of.

Often, my kind of humor can be seen as inappropriate in just about any situation. I'm not always joking like I do in DIRTY but it is a favorite way of joking for me.

DIRTY is my way of releasing a lot of 'inappropriate' energy in the form of some really great tunes.

What have people been saying about the DIRTY album so far?

"This album is disturbing ... and yet I can't stop listening to it. I love it and I am ashamed behind that." -- P. Escalante

"I like to listen to the CD in my car, in the morning on the way to work. The main reason is because I cannot allow my children to hear it or see the album artwork but also it is because I find I wake up a lot quicker when I hear these songs first thing in the day." -- P. Valdez

"I find myself singing some of these songs at work because they are so catchy! I just hope I don't eventually get fired because of it!" -- S. Dawn

"Because of this album, I am getting an education of sorts that I never thought was possible until I moved to America from India and met John Paul Sharp and he introduced me to the DIRTY album. Now I know what Hot Spray means. Oh yeah, and now I know what a Dingleberry is and I hope I never end up accidentally eating one." -- P. Zacharia

“I think this album is perfect to play where I work: At a porn store. I think customers will stay longer and buy more stuff, simply out of curiosity or confusion.” J. Salas

Beyond the lyrical content, what kind of music is it?

Dance, 80’s Rap, Blues, Quasi-Mariachi, Rock, Aggressive Electronica, Music Theatre, Classical, New Age, New Wave Pop and more. Every song has it’s own flavor!

What ARE the lyrics?

Here’s a rundown:

Can’t Let Go:

The hum and drum of tweedle dum is getting’ me down
I wanna face the day, wipe up that silly frown
I’ve had my share and I don’t care
I’m givin’ it up, I’m gonna face the day
If you can’t see what all this means
Maybe you Can’t Let Go … and it’s time to hit the road

We can get so very serious
It can be oppressive sometimes
Why do people get so furious
With just a few dirty-ass rhymes?

(You can’t take this away from me
We have the right to get dirty)

… dirty, dirty birdy …
that’s what I’m talkin’ about you muthaf&#in bitch …

If you can’t see what all this means
Maybe you Can’t Let Go …
Let go, let go, let go …

Check Your Stool

Come on, everybody and gather round
I’m about to spit some medium brown
‘Cause that’s the way it goes when you’re in the know about stool,
Yeah, I said it!

Your stool is cool so let’s go to school
Get a little lesson and a couple of rules
Don’t be a fool just stay right there
‘Cause I’m about to getcha’ square!

When you drop your kids off at the pool,
CHECK YOUR STOOL, CHECK YOUR STOOL
Do it for yourself, do it for your health!
CHECK YOUR STOOL, CHECK YOUR STOOL
Is it pencil thin or a perfect ten?
CHECK YOUR STOOL, CHECK YOUR STOOL
Did you get a clean break or did you make a mistake?
CHECK YOUR STOOL, CHECK YOUR STOOL
Does it look like a pellet even though you can’t smell it?
CHECK YOUR STOOL, CHECK YOUR STOOL
Is it soft and smelly, grey or yelly?
CHECK YOUR STOOL, CHECK YOUR STOOL

The color of cardboard, consistency of toothpaste
That’s what your lookin’ for, that’s what you wanna ace
4 to 8 inches is all you need,
smooth, easy pinches are fine indeed

Don’t you sweat it now, don’t forget it but
Every time you flush you need to check it
And if it looks bad, don’t get sad
Get yourself a check up and be glad you had!

Repeat Chorus Twice

Dingleberry Blues:

I was at the bar
I met a man who was fu#&in hot!
He took me into his nice apartment in Cheesman Park after we got drunk.
He said, “You can do whatever you want to me, whatever you want to me.”
So I did
‘Cause I was drunk and I wanted to fu&K.
I sucked on his d*#k
I sucked on his co&k, oooh!
And it was good.
So I said,
“Come on baby, come on baby, let me fu&k ya baby.”
And he said,
“Alright but you’re gonna have to eat me out.
Lick on my assh#$e for awhile.”
I said, “Okay.
I’ll do it this once even though I think it’s sick
It’s totally gross. You can get lots of diseases that way.”
So I ate him out the best I could.
Till I felt something in my mouth.
A round, little thing that tasted funny.
Tasted like a Dingleberry.
And it was.
I spit it out.
I said, “I have to go. This is too much for me
I cannot eat a Dingleberry, so goodbye.”
I woke up the next day
Hatin’ myself for life.

Dirty Spanish:

Mi pinchi hoto
Mi po qita panochita trasera
Necessito ocho poulgaddas in mi boca
Y mi nalgas
Al mismo tiempo
Aora!

Lo siento mi biscochito, la la la
Necissito monteqia para mi susio panocha
Mamalas depido

Mi pinchi hoto
Mi po qita panochita trasera
Necessito ocho poulgaddas in mi boca
Y mi nalgas
Al mismo tiempo
Aora!
Mi pinchi hoto

Hot Spray:

I was on the greatest date of my life
With this guy who was totally hot!
Then he asked me a little question
It made me so nervous and sick I almost threw up!

And I said,
“Oh - did you - what - were you talkin’ to me?
What did you say, could you repeat the question?”

“Are you ready for some HOT SPRAY
Stinging your face? Hey, come on,
Let’s get this party on. So whaddaya say?”

“Well, could you get me another beer?
Like three of ‘em?”

I was so confused, my Lord!
I didn’t know what to do so I drank the night away.
Then I had to pee so bad that I could hardly stand up or walk away.
And I said, finally:

“Ok. I can barely keep my eyes open right now but um
I think I’m finally ready for you to repeat the question.”

“Are you ready for some HOT SPRAY
Stinging your face? Hey, come on,
Let’s get this party on. So whaddaya say?”

“Well, ok. Ok. this, alright …
Umm... that’s really cool and all I’m sure you can pee on me or whatever but I really have to go to the bathroom right now, so I’m actually going to ask you the same question and hope you’ll say yes really fast.”

Repeat Chorus to Fade

I’m the H.B.I.C.:

You know I’m on to your muthaf&#kin’ ways
And I am done with your sh*t talkin’ face

(from my mind it is you I erase
you’re gonna be easy to fully replace)

I saw you talkin’ to that girl the other day
I know exactly what you think you’re gonna say
you’re gonna quickly get down on your knees
You’re gonna do whatever it is that pleases me

So will you wipe off that sheepish fu&#in grin?

(get real close so you can listen)

It’s time to pack up your sh*t
We had some fun while it lasted
But last it surely didn’t
You had one on me till you finally got caught
And now it’s time you gave it all completely up
You thought you were livin’ so large
Baby, I’m the head bitch in charge

You think I’m fu&#in around?
You won’t get no more of this money
No more of this f&#alishus body
As far as I’m concerned you and you a bitch ass face just got burned
Say goodbye this, f&#ed up bitch.
I should have stopped having sex with you AFTER we broke up
But I didn’t wanna stop getting’ a taste of that nasty d*#k deep inside me.

Come on gells, come on m’gells. Let’s jam, gells!

Repeat Chorus

Let’s Jam, Gells!:

So, I was enjoying myself a nice earl grey tea …
On an international level …
And this gell, comes up to me and says,

“Hey guys, I’d really like to fart with you.”

I could tell she had some kind of drugs in her system.
Her pupils were like the size of dimes.

I said, “Come on gells, come on m’gells.
You wanna fart with me on an international level?”

She said, “Hey guys! Come on, guys!
This isn’t funny anymore.
Are you guys gonna fart with me or what?
I wanna do it with someone else, not just alone.”

And I said, “Come on, m’gells.
You wanna fart with me on an international level?”

So I thought about it for awhiles
I let it sit in me thinker
Do I really wanna stinker?”

Let’s Jam, Gells!
Come on, M’Gells!
Let’s Jam, Gells!
Come on, M’Gells!
You wanna fart with me on an international level?
Let’s Jam, Gells!

Most Guys Have Balls:

Most Guys Have Balls
Some are big and some are small
Guys either have
One or two or none at all
I have never heard of three
But I wouldn’t put it past me

Some balls ain’t right
Some are loose and some are tight
And don’t you know
One sits high and one hangs low
Some are hairy to and fro
Some are shaved and good to go

Imagine if
Twenty guys are in a room
The total is
No more than 40 balls of bliss
Some will make you wanna kiss
Some will make you really sick

But either way
Balls are surely here to stay
So get relaxed
Or they’ll shrivel up and pass
And they’ll stay that way for good
Until you gently coo them.

Repeat Chorus Twice

Period Smoothie:

I can’t believe you gave me a Period Smoothie
For the second time you tricked me again
I know we’re such good friends
But that’s where I draw the line

How were you able to do this?
How much planning?
I refuse to drink of you.
I’m sorry, but never again!

Hopefully this the last time
I drink the whole thing
Before I figure it out.

I just love smoothies so much
But what you did was cruel.

S.T.F.U.:

All I’m really askin’ for
Is a little peace and quiet
Do you think it’s far too much
To ask if you could shut the f&#k up?

Ok, this is how the sh*t is gonna go down
I have to look at your ass every day I come to work
And all I ever hear is bullsh*t coming out of your mouth
I don’t wanna know how much more pain you go through
I don’t wanna know about your trivial f&#kin life
Just shut the f&#k up
Just shut the f&#k up
Just shut the S.T.F.U.
S.T.F.U.
S.T.F.U.
Don’t you get it? I don’t want to hear you right now!

All I’m really askin’ for
Is a little peace and quiet
Do you think it’s far too much
To ask if you could shut the f&#k up?

I’m real sorry to hear that the essence of your personal life is a pile of sh*t
But that doesn’t mean you have to go dragging everyone through it.

Isn’t there something you could be doing right now?

Just shut the f&#k up
Just shut the f&#k up
Just shut the S.T.F.U.
S.T.F.U.
S.T.F.U.
Don’t you get it? I don’t want to hear you right now!

All I’m really askin’ for
Is a little peace and quiet
Do you think it’s far too much
To ask if you could shut the f&#k up?

Shut the f^&k up now!
Shut the f^&k up now!
S.T.F.U.
S.T.F.U.
S.T.F.U.
Shut the f&#k up now, goddamnit!

Shut the f^&k up now!
Shut the f^&k up now!
S.T.F.U.
S.T.F.U.
S.T.F.U.
Shut the f&#k up now, goddamnit!

Repeat Chorus

Save Your Diarrhea For Me:

You’re the love of my life, you know
That’s a fact that we can’t deny
You’ve been pukin’ from both of your ends
And I hope that you will comply

My desires are simple enough and all that I ask
Is of you
To save a cup of your waste for me so that
I can drink your hershey squirts

Won’t you Save Your Diarrhea For Me?
I’m the only one who will drink it
So don’t you think about flushin’ it
Save Your Diarrhea For Me
I’m the only who will drink it
So don’t you think about flushin’ it away!

All that I can do is fantasize about
Putting it in the microwave
Heat it up for 20 minutes so it is nice and hot
With plenty of flavor …

It would be just like I’m drinkin’ it straight from your stomach
And your sickly bowels
No one else could ever dream of this so I
Hope you don’t think I’m fowl

Repeat Chorus Twice

The Shocker Song:

What do you do when you’re feelin’ so blue
And you don’t really feel so well?
What do you do when you’re stuck in a mood
And you honestly feel like hell?
Listen to me, ‘cause I’ve been there before and I know how to settle the score.
Pull up a seat ‘cause I gotta sweet treat
You just follow this recipe:

You get two in the pinky
One in the stinky
That’s a shocker for sure
So if you want something kinky
Have a little drinky and get on all fours!
It’s a shocker, my dear,
You have nothing to fear!
Get on your hands and knees and I’ll show you what
Pleasure is like: You’ll feel much better in time!

Ok, now just get yourself relaxed and let me just …
There we go! How’s that sweety? Yeah!
You’re getting’ the hang of it, I think!
Just a little more work!
There you go, sweety!
Next time you should try this with someone who’s not gay!
I’m just your friend, so, don’t be getting any ideas here.
Just helping out.
Gee, I sure wish I could have one of these myself.
I think about it a lot actually.
God I would kill for something like this.
Lucky!
Thank your lucky stars!

Repeat Chorus Twice


And so, my friends, if you have read this far, then you probably have already bought the DIRTY album. And if you haven’t, you certainly should do so. You’ll never be the same, I promise that!


jps*

8/9/7

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