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Naomi LaViolette | To Say Goodbye

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To Say Goodbye

by Naomi LaViolette

A contemplative song expressing a humble attempt to understand and come to peace with death and the dying process.
Genre: Folk: Singer/Songwriter
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1. To Say Goodbye
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Album Notes
"To Say Goodbye"
The story behind the song, by Naomi LaViolette

I’ve been thinking about death more often these days. My dad has a terminal disease, and maybe another year or two left before it takes him. My good friend and guitarist Tim Ellis passed away a couple years ago from terminal stage 4 cancer. I have another friend battling stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. One of my best friend's dad has Alzheimer's, also a terminal illness.

When I consider death happening to my children, it terrifies me. When I think about losing my dad in the near future, I feel like my heart is all of a sudden stuck in my throat, and I'm just not ready to deal with it. I have a faith and spiritual practice, but do I really trust it to be enough for me when I'm grieving? I really want it to. But I just don't know. I guess I'm scared.

I know death is inevitable, for all of us, so I need to find a way through it. Writing “To Say Goodbye” has helped me. In collecting raw material for this song, I've asked people around me for their thoughts about death. One of my friends believes we are spirits having a human experience, and that our bodies are like puppets, just having life while our spirit is in them. Another person I spoke to had lost many family members over the course of her life. She was with many of them when they died or soon after, and she wrote messages of love on their body bags. Someone that works for hospice shared with me about the common experience of patients communicating with loved ones that have already passed away. Another friend shared about how we share the same elements in our bodies as the stars, that our human lives begin at Orion’s belt, and when we die we return to the stars.

I've also considered the wisdom about death in religious and cultural traditions: “Life is uncertain, death is certain” - Buddha. “We are all visitors to this time, this place, we are just passing through” - Aboriginal proverb. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” - Christianity. “From what is not, lead me to what is; from darkness, lead me to light; from death, lead me to what is undying” - Hinduism. In my faith practice, we get ash rubbed on our foreheads once a year, and we are reminded that we are made from dust, and to dust we shall return. Death is literally rubbed in our faces.

My daughter’s pet diamond dove died recently. I held the little bird just minutes after death, while the body was still warm, and I was struck by how calm, how at peace, but also how final it felt. There was nothing I could do to bring this bird back to life. The lack of breath and movement was startling to me. My daughter was a crying wreck. Together, we made a little white box into a coffin. We put the bird in there with flowers and millet, the bird’s favorite treat. My daughter laid a little square she had crocheted over the bird. We had a sweet little bird funeral in our backyard with songs and prayers. Taking care of the bird’s body in this way helped with saying goodbye, but it was still really sad. We like to believe the bird’s spirit is now flying free above us.

I asked my son what he thought about death. He said, "Well, when I think about our pet bird, who died, it feels like she's not really gone, because I remember her.” So true. Loved ones live on in our memories.

The ways in which our bodies get injured, sick, or just don’t work that well are reminders that they will wear out someday. But many people are very uncomfortable with death - they’d prefer to not think about it. It’s easy to do this in our ready-made, pre-packaged, air-brushed, fast-paced society. I’m trying not to ignore it anymore.

“To Say Goodbye” releases on April 19, 2019, which is also Good Friday, the most solemn day in the calendar of my faith tradition. I hope this song helps people of any faith or spiritual practice feel more at peace with death, wherever they may be at in their process with it. I’m still working through it.

"To Say Goodbye"

I’ve learned that when leaves fall, their bodies feed the earth
I’ve heard we’re made from dust, and to dust we shall return
And on the other side of darkness, there is light
That all things have a season, a time to live, and one to die
But what if I’m not ready to say goodbye?

You, who I love, someday I’ll have to let you go
The where, the when, the how, no one could ever know
So may I hold onto life in hands that are open
And trust that love is there to help me when my heart is broken
On the day we have to say goodbye

Give me your hand in this moment
Please, let’s just savor this moment
I’ll have you and hold you in this moment
Until we have to say goodbye

I’ve heard that after death, those we love aren’t really gone
In hearts and stories told, we all can live on and on
May I treasure the memories made in this lifetime
And pray for the belief that I’ll see you on the other side
So I will be able to say goodbye

Naomi LaViolette: composition, guitar & vocals
Kiel Bishop: production, engineering and graphic design

The artwork to accompany “To Say Goodbye” is called "Moonstruck," painted by my talented artist friend Christine Neill.  This art feels so right for the song.  It's beauty and mortality together.  From the moment I saw it, I was very moved by it.

Christine paints hearts, and calls her artistry "Living Heart Art."  Often she paints while listening to someone's heartbeat through a stethoscope. To find out more about her artistic process or order art pieces, email Christine: gochristineneill@gmail.com
Or visit: www.instagram.com/livingheartart

Here is what Christine shared with me about this piece:
"I painted ‘Moonstruck’ when the moon was shining bright, and I was missing someone close to me.  My heart hurt.  The moon outside is the same moon every person on earth sees.  It guides us at night, as a symbol of unity.  I love to step outside at dark, and look up to let the moon remind me of love, loss, and peace.  We're all moonstruck, as each heart shines bright, even in the dark.”

It brings me so much joy to feature talented visual artists alongside my songs. Thank you, thank you, to Christine!  

Finally, for any of you curious about my creative process, I thought I’d share a few notes about the composition of this song and musical choices in the writing, arrangement and recording.

Lyrics - the first verse contains some sayings and ideas I’ve heard about death. As much as I may try to wrap my head and heart around them, do they really help me be ready to say goodbye? The second verse focuses in on a loved one. This could be anyone I, or you the listener, love. When I consider a loved one as precious as my child, I can’t help but want to cling to them desperately. But each person’s lifespan is out of our control, which is why I must try to hold on with open hands. The bridge is central to the song, where the words keep coming back to the present moment, which is all we really have. The change in harmonic structure represents this change in focus, and the large pause is like a deep breath taken with a loved one. In the final verse, I find comfort in people living on in our memories. Believing that I’ll see loved ones again after death is not something I believe naturally. That’s why I pray to believe it, so that I may be more at peace with saying goodbye.

Melodic ideas - the “ohs” in the musical interludes represent weeping, grieving, and mourning. They grow in intensity throughout the song, with more notes and melodic range. At the end, however, they change to a hum, representing some healing within the sadness. The lyrics “to say goodbye” mostly end upward melodically, like a question, until the final time. At the very end, the melody resolves down to the root of the key, demonstrating peace and acceptance.

Background vocals - there are numerous background vocal tracks on this recording, and they were all made by me humming a lot of different notes. They represent the souls, angels, saints or whatever may exist in a dimension on the other side of death. Again, what I pray to believe, is that those who have gone before me wait for me with acceptance and love on the other side.

Guitar accompaniment - this was made in memory of my dear friend and guitarist Tim Ellis. I loved how he played, and I learned so much from him over the years we spent performing and recording together. I thought of him the whole time I was recording the guitar track.

Thank YOU, for your interest in my musical work. It means so much to me to share it with you. If you think this song would help anyone, please pass it along. May music and being open with our life and death experiences help us all feel more connected.

XO and love,



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