Order 3 or more physical items and get 1¢ shipping
The Old Man and the Muses | Kiddie Diddies

Go To Artist Page

Recommended if You Like
Bozo Le Clown Mister Ed

More Artists From
United States - California

Other Genres You Will Love
Kids/Family: Kid Friendly Easy Listening: American Popular Song Moods: Solo Male Artist
There are no items in your wishlist.

Kiddie Diddies

by The Old Man and the Muses

Even though almost every one of these was written for all of the miniature humans, I tried to make 'em tolerable enough for the fully-grown as well : ) ... Lyrics + Songologies - Below
Genre: Kids/Family: Kid Friendly
Release Date: 

We'll ship when it's back in stock

Order now and we'll ship when it's back in stock, or enter your email below to be notified when it's back in stock.
Sign up for the CD Baby Newsletter
Your email address will not be sold for any reason.
Continue Shopping
available for download only
Share to Google +1

To listen to tracks you will need to update your browser to a recent version.

  Song Share Time Download
1. Laughing Baby
0:33 FREE
clip
2. (Always Purgatorial) Limboland
4:29 $0.99
clip
3. Burper's Hymn
2:06 $0.99
4. Zap Ur Yap, Pt. One
1:22 FREE
clip
5. Zap Ur Yap, Pt. Two
6:00 $0.99
clip
6. Prelude
1:28 $0.99
clip
7. Big Blue Balloon Man
6:17 $0.99
clip
8. The Cocoa Song
0:59 $0.29
clip
9. Digits and Fidgets for Spider Webs
7:16 $0.49
clip
10. No Nose Candy, Please
1:48 $0.99
clip
11. Be Brave or Scream on Halloween
6:13 $0.99
clip
12. The Monkey Bread Song
2:36 $0.99
clip
13. South Away (Way Away)
4:50 $0.49
clip
14. Jester Tester
2:12 $0.49
15. Double Baby
0:31 FREE
Downloads are available as MP3-320 files.

ABOUT THIS ALBUM


Album Notes
Here's Thanx to everyone who shares in the pure light of a child's heart : )

Kiddie Diddies ( Lyrics + Songologies )

( Always Purgatorial ) Limboland ( Track 2 )

Peter Pan at the Pearly Gates
waitin' for the special souls
Only Peter Pan can say
where those souls may go

It's a mystery
like the one in me
that wants to jump into the sea
and kiss a whale
( kiss a whale )

It's a wond'rous thing
like a pauper and a king
We could starve and dream
or eat a snail
( Ooh, yuckie )

Tinkerbell at some gates as well
waitin' for the special souls
Only Tinkerbell can tell
where those souls may go

It's still a mystery
like the part of me
that wants to climb up a tree
and pull on a monkey's tail
( Ooh, ah, ooh, ah, ooh, ah )

It's a wild thing
like a dingalingaling
like those flowers in spring
that make ya wanna sing
or cry
like a broken pail
( Boo hoo hoo )

Break :

But where are the Lost Boys ?
What has Captain Hook now done ?
Between the gates
they find their fates
on the moon
or
in the sun

Repeat stanzas ( in reverse order )

Let's just close our eyes
and fly...and fly...and fly...

Burper's Hymn ( Track 3 )

It was
very late one night
quiet as a kangaroo
searching for a pouch or two

But from the room upstairs
where tenni' shoes and puppy dog hairs
fill the floor with gum and more
there came a funny sound
and Mom and Daddy turned around
found soda pop bottles
on the ground

And then they looked upstairs
and said,
" Hey, you kids,
stop that burping up there
What will the neighbors say,
with you and your sister burping away ?
Hey, you kids upstairs
you better stop that burping up there "

Zap Ur Yap ( Track 5 )

" Ready ? One, two, three,
Zap Ur Yap ! "

Looden doodaloo
Looden doodaloo
Looden doodaloo
Loo...

There once was a purple, shining knight
who had a heart of gold
One day he went to see the king
and here's what he was told :
" There's a great, big dragon out there,
big and scary and green
I want you to chase him far away
because he's so darn mean "

So, uh, uh, uh, oh,
before The Purple Knight began
the wizard he did see
and the wise, wise wizard told him this
- Now listen carefully -
" When you want to get things done,
it's magic you can be
Just clap your hands together
after counting along with me
But here's the magic secret
I'm telling only you
To make your magic clap work right
and make your wish come true
Well,... "

Chorus :

You must smile all the while
like a happy crocodile
Clap and smile
Smile and clap
It's magical to
Zap Ur Yap
Zap Ur Yap
Zap Ur Yap
it's magical to
Zap Ur Yap

Looden doodaloo...

The Purple Knight at the dragon's gate
How will he get inside ?
" I know "
We can use our magic clap
to open those gates wide

So, put your hands together
after counting along with me
Get ready for your magic clap
and don't forget to
Zap Ur Yap

" Ready ? One, two, three,
Zap Ur Yap !
It worked ! "

The gates are open
The Purple Knight is in
The dragon stood before him
with a silly grin
And just as the knight was gonna
scare him away
with the magic clap
we learned today
the dragon raised his scary head
and said,
" Hello, isn't it a beautiful day ? "
" Can you believe that ?
The dragon said that
The dragon said,
' Hello, isn't it a beautiful day ? ' "

The Purple Knight couldn't believe his ears
He laughed so hard
he sprouted tears
After years of fears
the king and queen were told
" The dragon has a heart of gold "

And when the dragon met the king
he raised his ears
and started to sing
And when the dragon met the queen
he wagged his tail
and started to sing

" Well, ya know what ?
I think the dragon was friend's with the king's wizard
'cause the dragon started singin' : "

Chorus

So, now,
If you'd like this song to end
here's what you must do :
You can use your magic clap
to see if it's all true

So, put your hands together
after counting along with me
Get ready for your magic clap
and don't forget to
Zap Ur Yap

" Ready ? One, two, three,
Zap Ur Yap !... "

Prelude ( Track 6 )

I have a leaky butt
I just can't seem to keep it shut
I ask everyone, but no none knows
how to keep my buttocks closed

Maybe I could just hold it in
and try my best not to break wind
I dream at night
and pray all day
that constipation
comes my way

My loose caboose has left the tracks
and stains are crawlin' up my back

You may think that this is gross
But here's the thing that I hate the most :
I found a cure, although it hurts,
but duct tape
really
works

Big Blue Balloon Man ( Track 7 )

There once was an old man lyin' in his bed
These are the very last words he said :
He said, " I been a good man for all o' my life
I been good at day, I been good at night... "

So, with his next to last breath, he said,
" I think I should do somethin' for this world,
but somethin' really, really good... "

So, he took a deep, deep breath from the center of his soul
and, just before he let it let go,
he grabbed a giant blue balloon
and, with a mighty, mighty puff,
he blew the whole thing up

And it was just enough

I saw big red shoes
and checkered, green pants
Before the rest popped up,
they started to dance -
" The pants ! "

I saw purple suspenders,
a black and white striped shirt
When the arms popped out,
I said, " Hey, doesn't that hurt ? "

I saw a silly, silly grin
and I couldn't believe
There was a
Big Blue Balloon Man
right in front o' me !

Big Blue Balloon Man
flips and flops
There's only one word that'll make 'im stop
Big Blue Balloon Man
dances bebop
There's only one word that'll make 'im stop
Big Blue Balloon Man
hippity-hops
There's only one word that'll make 'im stop
Big Blue Balloon Man
bounces when he drops
There's only one word that'll make 'im stop
Big Blue Balloon Man
clippity-clops
There's only one word that'll make 'im stop
Big Blue Balloon Man
in the Big Top
There's only one word that'll make 'im stop

Big Blue Balloon Man
Big Blue Balloon Man

Big Blue Balloon Man
in the Big Top
There's only one word that'll make 'im stop...

The Cocoa song ( Track 8 )

I can't stop with the choc-o-late
C-O-C-O-A
It's so sad, I've gained alot
C-O-C-O-A

With an inch, inch here
and a pinch, pinch there
Here an inch
There a pinch
Ev'rywhere an inch pinch

I don't care
I'll buy bigger underwear
C-O--C-O-A

Digit and Fidgets for Spider Webs ( Track 9 )

I tried to play my guitar today
when a big, funny spider
came along my way
With a happy grin
he began to spin
a web
around
four of the five fingers
of my left hand

He said, " I'm a-gonna learn you to count to four
and nothin' less and a-nothin' more "

And then he made my fingers crawl
like a creeping spider down the hall :
" One, two, three, four
and nothin' less and a-nothin' more "

Then, just when I thought that I could play,
he made me go the other way :
" Four, three, two, one
We're right back where we a-done begun "

Now this went on for half the day,
and it was fun,
but I wanted to play
Then, all at once,
I could see,
it was left there
right in front of me
My thumb
was
free

Between the icky and the sticky I came up with a plan -
My thumb was free, so I supposed,
I'd stick my thumb
right up my nose ( ! )

But then the funny spider made me play
and my nose and thumb
went on their way :
" One, two, three, four
and nothin' less and a-nothin' more "

Then, just when I thought that I could play,
the funny, happy spider made me go the other way :
" Four, three, two, one
We're right back where we a-done begun "

I knew now that this had to end,
even though I'd made a spider friend
My fingers couldn't take much more
and my thumb and nose were awful sore

Well, I fin'ly made the spider say goodbye;
I made him chase my friend - the fly ( ! )
" My hand is free ! "

And, just to show that I'm not sore,
I'll make my fingers crawl once more :
" One, two, three, four
and nothin' less and a-nothin' more "

No Nose Candy, Please ( Track 10 )

Don't eat your boogers
Boogers just ain't food
Don't eat your boogers
Some people think it's just plain rude
No, don't eat your boogers
You'll make your parents scream

You've never heard of " Booger Ice Cream "
You won't see that he wore a " Booger Hat "
There's no such thing as a pretty " Booger Ring "

So, don't eat your boogers
Boogers are just plain waste
Don't eat your boogers,
you may not like the taste
No, don't eat your boogers
Stick to food instead

Don't eat your boogers
Keep your fingers out of your head

Be Brave or Scream On Halloween ( Track 11 )

When the bedbugs bite
it's a scary night
Then the ghosts come out
You can hear them float and shout

I'm a ghost and I'm feelin' fine and dandy
I came here to find your toys and candy
so that we can play
but your Mommy and Daddy
scared me away

When the bedbugs bite
it's a scary night
Then the witches all come out
You can hear them fly about

She's a witch and she's feelin' fine and dandy
She came here to find your toys and candy
so that she can play
but your Mommy and Daddy
scared that witch away

When the treats are tricks
and the candles have no wicks
Then the lightning strikes
and Mommy and Daddy
hold you tight

Try not to be a scaredy-cat bumpkin
hiding from the shadows in a pumpkin
Phantom Jack-o-lantern
Phantom Jack-o-lantern
Phantom Jack-o-lantern
Jack-o-latern Phantom

But you'll be fine and dandy
counting all your candy
If the monsters want to play
but you don't want
them to stay
you can always choose
to scare them all away

When the bedbugs bite
it's a scary night
but now you know
If the monsters want to play
but you don't want
them to stay
you can always choose
to scare them all away

Be Brave or Scream On Halloween...

The Monkey Bread song ( Track 12 )

There's Monkey Bread in my head
I really should go to bed
I think that I'll stay up instead
with Monkey Bread in my head

I put a banana in my ear
so that I might somehow hear
the squishy squashy Monkey Bread
in my head

So, now I'm swingin' from the vines
with Monkey Bread on my mind
It seems to be there all the time
that Monkey Bread in my head

It's far better than
a coconut up my...nose

Yes, I've got Monkey Bread in my head
I really should go to bed
I think that I'll stay up instead
with Monkey Bread
in my head...

" Hey, someone took my Monkey Bread ! Oh, no ! "

There's no more Monkey Bread in my head
I think I'll just go to bed
and dream a squishy squashy dream
of Monkey Bread
in my head...


Kiddie Diddies - ( Songologies )

Laughing Baby - Track ( 1 )

Most of these songs were written throughout the years, some more recently.
When my Niece was in the first grade, I went to her school and performed " Burper's Hymn ", Track ( 3 ), and " Zap Ur Yap ", Tracks ( 4 ) & ( 5 ), for her class. I had made little head ornaments for her and her classmates that I called " Cap Hats " - a combination of a " Thinking Cap " and a " Party Hat " - made from outlandish neckties and a variety of small stuffed animals and assorted shapes ( for example, a rainbow ). The neckties were threaded through the stuffed toys so that they could wear them on their heads by tying a bow underneath their chin ( and, as ridiculous as it is to admit, mine had a solid purple tie with a moose head on it ! Quite a humiliating sight [ Especially when I started playing the kazoo ! ] )
After I had finished performing " Zap Ur Yap " ( which features a Dragon ), on cue, my Niece's older Brother stuck his head into the top portion of the door to the classroom wearing a very elaborate ( complete with breastplate ) rubberized Dragon mask ( as an added " special effect " between songs )
I remember when I later first started singing " Zap Ur Yap " back then, my Niece kept shouting " That's a baby's song ! " Because of this and, more poignantly, because I, many years later, made the " Kiddie Diddies " compilations as part of a surprise package for my Niece's Baby Shower, I started with Track ( 1 )'s " Laughing Baby "

( Almost Purgatorial ) Limboland - Track ( 2 )

The title is a mildly twisted variant of " Never Never Land "
Although it was constructed primarily as a lullaby ( mostly towards the end ), it does touch on some adult themes - ( Saint ) Peter ( Pan ) at Heaven's Gates, Tinkerbell at Hell's Gates, the dichotomies / fates of Good and Evil, Rich and Poor, etc.
Fortunately, none of this is gone into with much detail and it's my dream that it can simply be used to help children dream : )

Burper's Hymn - Track ( 3 )

This is just a, flat-out, fun song for kids ; especially for those who may have never heard a kazoo : )
I know it's biased and self-placating, but I really like the line " Quiet as a kangaroo searching for a pouch or two "

Zap Ur Yap - Tracks ( 4 ) and ( 5 )

This is supposed to be a sing-along song, but I think it may be a little too difficult to follow ... : (
P. S. I made the spoken intro, Track ( 4 ), a separate track so that, if desired, it could be skipped once it becomes more ( or too ) familiar.

Prelude - Track ( 6 )

This one is to help keep all of those hard-working parents awake :o

Big Blue Balloon Man - Track ( 7 )

I like to think that I may have captured a small chunk of a Circus / Carnival atmosphere ( ? )
I can imagine kids using the descriptions in the song to draw pictures of " The Big Blue Balloon Man "

The Cocoa song - Track ( 8 )

Another short and bittersweet tune ( Ev 'ry pun intended )

Digits and Fidgets for Spider Webs - Track ( 9 )

This is one of my least favorite kids' songs, but I wrote it for the little minds that are just learning how to count, so I felt it had to have pedestrian qualities.
Anyway...

No Nose Candy, Please - Track ( 10 )

How many kids out there don't snicker when they hear the word " Booger " ?

Be Brave or Scream ( On Halloween ) - Track ( 11 )

This is a Pro-Parent, with the intention to promote self-empowerment, effort ; even so, I think it may have enough of the traditional Spooky sounds in it to make it a qualifying Halloween song.

The Monkey Bread song - Track ( 12 )

I actually wrote this AS I was microwaving some Monkey Bread !
It was also used later ( that same year ) , wildly incorporated as part of a crazy Christmas group-participation show ( primarily focused on my Nephew's little girl ).

South Away ( Way Away ) - Track ( 13 )

The original lyrics for this disastrous song are out of a book that I failed to obtain copyright permission for. In some ways, it seems almost cruel or rude to include it within the song list, but...I don't know...maybe it'll touch on a few minds that are able to embrace the abstract or the eclectic who just plain like the weird and wondrous...it's one of the first guitar progressions that I ever wrote, so...I don't know...

Jester Tester - Track ( 14 )

Because I intended to use my Nephew's sound system for the same little family Christmas extravaganza mentioned for Track ( 12 ), I created this to make sure ( i.e. Test ) that my homemade CDs would work in his system.
It has one of the two loops in it that I've used in my songs.

Double Baby - Track ( 15 )

Please see last paragraph of " Laughing Baby ", Track ( 1 ), and if you've read this far, you were most likely born with one of those many special hearts - Thank You : )

Read more...

Reviews


to write a review